thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
