i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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