So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
