You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize