I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
