I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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