I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
