Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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