I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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