i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
