I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
