That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
