i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
