Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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