She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
