I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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