Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
