If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You are a genius and a whore.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
