How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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