Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
