And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
