i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
