with your own penis?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
