im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
