she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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