We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
