oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
