google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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