Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
