Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

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(719): View more from Colorado

No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.

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(727): View more from Florida

My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road

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(573): View more from Missouri

Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

enjoying your night?

(1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

do dogs like to salsa?

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I dont know if that answers my question or not

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(303): View more from Colorado

Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.

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