I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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