Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
