he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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