Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
