The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
