Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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