Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
