u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
