i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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