Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize