my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
