I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
