the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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