you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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