The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
