so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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