Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize