so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
