If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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