Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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