I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
