Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
