Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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