Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
