Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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