Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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