I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
