I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think my fart just growled at me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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