I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
