fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
