If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
