I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
