I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
