your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
