I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
