the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
