i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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